tuesday march 7, 2023
i've started going to the gym lately! it's just the YMCA, so it's not like, a gym bro gym, which is nice because it boosts my confidence in myself ever so slightly... not that i had much to begin with in a gym setting (lol) but i've been taking it slow, the first day i was far too intimidated by all the equipment and mechanisms and devices that i went with the ol' familiar... treadmill. i just walked the whole time while my younger brothers did their usual workouts. and since i've been pretty much just using the treadmill, i'm trying to build stamina for convetion season, i aways get tuckered out with all the walking since i'm such a homebody. so working on keeping a steady speedwalking pace for 20~ minutes (a little over a mile walking distance) is the only thing i've really been doing! aside from the time i tried using a rowing machine and my arms got so tired after not even a minute that i decidedi was gonna work my arms at home where nobody will see it... aaahhrrg being in such an unfamiliar environment is so stressful it's like half the battle hyping myself up so i don't have a panic attack!! usually i can handle stares and stuff, i've come a long way since my social anxiety ruled my way of living! but being in a place where i am so so intensely unfamiliar with everything and i'm surrounded by everyone who will critique the way i move and look is such a fucked up hell for an anxiety ridden guy like me. i even dress down significantly!! no weird outfits just a plain shirt and jeans! when i dress down and people still stare i get so fucking stressed!!! like what do you WANT from me!! i look normal! leave me alone!!! ugh. sorry, i just get so upset when that happens >:(
sunday february 26, 2023
today was quite the slow but enjoyable day, i got work done on a catguy outfit i'm working on while watching some japanese indie horror channel on youtube. very fun stuff! aside from that my mom finally cleaned all the mold out of the one working shower in our house yesterday, and i emerged from my shower today feeling cleaner than i ever have before! i might even make it a habit to shower daily (lol).
(CW: pet death) earlier this week i cleaned my 10gal fish tank for the first time in month or so, i let it get messy recently because my favorite fish Pingus (and her less favorable husband-fish Pongus, and their two eldest daughters) had passed away. i had gotten sloppy and overfed them :( it was such a horrible thing waking up to them all dead. i had lost hope in myself and had a hard time looking at that tank. it doesnt help that my 10gal has the worst algae problems of all 3 of my tanks, so it gets the messiest fastest. but i took some time and cleaned it all up! then a few days later i recived some plants from aquarium plant lab that i had ordered before i embarked on my tank cleaning. getting them all set up was much easier this time than last time!
i'm very happy with how it looks now! plus i got the main lights in the tank on a timer finally!! so happy with how they turn on on their own! fucking brilliant! ugh! really wish i would've gotten this set up like so earlier!
also i had my 20th bday! 20 whole years old... the big 2 0... whew! i didn't think i'd live to be 16, much less 20! things are getting real now, i've gotta actually start being an adult! what the fuck!!! it was a good time though, went to the farmer's market with my mom and then got hawaiian pizza from pizza hut, played splatoon 1, then had dinner, and rounded things out with playing splatoon 3 with my friends J and Rin! it was a very good time, i miss those old maps :,( J also gifted me Marina and Pearl amiibos!! the real deal! now i've just gotta find a jar to fit Pearl... oh! speaking of splatoon the new inkopolis dlc launches soon!! super hyped about that! I was able to complete this season's catalogue too, with only a few days to spare >:)
anyways, that's most of what's been happening with me lately!